Friday, 29 January 2010

Big week, next week...

Probably/possibly THE big week, so far...

So far, we've had the diagnosis, the kick back from the infection, the CT and PET scans, the bone marrow biopsy, the radiology. This week, we have the potential to move up a gear.

On Tuesday, after I see "my man", I may move into a six month period I could have only imagined, only a year ago. Or, I may not. As I sit here now, that's the difficult part. Not knowing.

So far, everything that's happened to me on this journey has been pretty benign. Bad choice of word, maybe, but to be honest, it hasn't been so bad, as far as it goes. It's all been pretty immediate and "dealable-with". "This is what you need to do, and you need to do it tomorrow morning" kind of thing. No time to reflect and think.

Next week may bring in a new dawn. I really don't fancy six months of feeling crap. Or at least one week REALLY crap, one week crap, and one week slightly crap - repeat 6 or 8 times. That's from now until August. We are talking end of the football season, Wimbledon and the World Cup. And still not finished.

I'm not scared about anything. I'm disappointed. I don't fear where this is going, but I'm not happy that this is going somewhere where I don't want it to go, and there's nothing I can do about it. I am stoic. And patient. I am doing what I am told, by people who know what they're doing. At least I trust them to know what they are doing. I know that I have lots to give, and receive, and I know that these next few weeks, months and years will be difficult and rewarding, challenging and fulfilling. I have lots I want to do. And I have lots of family and friends who love and care about me and offer encouragement and support, and I am truly grateful for every bit of it.

But next week, will be a big week.

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